


when things got loud (one of us running out)

by hopesagreste



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Amnesia, F/F, Memory Loss, bestfriends to enemies to friends to lovers, minor clexa - Freeform, octaven centred, pls bare with me, this is gonna be messy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:41:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28837215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopesagreste/pseuds/hopesagreste
Summary: Raven is a senior in high school when she loses her parents in a car accident and can't deal with the pain that comes with it so she uses her big!phat brain to find a way to get herself amnesia and tells Octavia about her plan. They fight over it.When Raven wakes up with no memories of who she is and no one would tell her how she ended up like this, the Griffins decide to adopt her and send her back to school, where she keeps bumping into a girl, who hates her for no apparent reason and wouldn't even look at her. Octavia Blake, she had heard. Raven wonders who that girl was to her and what did she do to make her hate her so much. And Clarke's knowing looks aren't helpful at all.I couldn't fit the proper summary so It'll be in the first chapter :)
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Raven Reyes
Comments: 16
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven is angsty. Clarke is just sad. that's pretty much it, octaven content next chapter

**3 weeks ago**

_All was well...until it wasn't._

_Octavia burst in, terrified of being too late. Raven just stood there, barefoot in the middle of her garage with tiny wires attached to her head and a remote in her hand, her gaze completely empty. Her head snapped in the direction of the other girl. Raven mentally cursed herself for taking so long, because if it weren't for her indecisiveness, her best friend wouldn't have to watch her do something, that she had cried her eyes out, begging her not to do and trying to change her mind. It was funny, she had known Octavia her whole life and she had never seen her looking so desperate like she had completely given up. Her fierce forest-green eyes were now seeming gray and so ordinary. And yet she still looked as gorgeous as if the gods themselves had sculptured every feature on her beautiful face. Her rosy lips were moving, Raven noticed. But she couldn't force herself to listen. Not until the sudden anger in the other girl's tone pulled her out of her own head._

_"If you do it" Octavia began, her voice low and threatening, now completely stripped of its previous concern, filled with unhidden betrayal instead - "I will never forgive you." She was trying to appear tougher than she was. Raven would've almost believed it if it wasn't for the tears, that were slipping down her best friend's cheeks._

_Dreadful silence fell over them. The two girls just stared at each other, trying to understand when had things become this hopeless. Raven knew she was hurting the person she loved the most, but her selfishness made her believe that deep down Octavia understood why she wanted to do this. Why she needed to do this. And so, she pressed the button. An antagonizing scream pierced the silence._

**Presence**

Raven didn't say anything in the car on the way to the Griffin's house. What could she say anyway? She didn't know much about these people, other than that the blonde girl who sat in the seat beside her was supposed to be one of her closest friends. And yet something about that girl rubbed Raven the wrong way. Maybe it was the apologetic glances she couldn't stop throwing in her direction or those blue eyes of hers filled with pity. Sure, Raven couldn't remember anything about herself but by now she had figured out that she gets annoyed pretty easily, especially when people treated her like she was fragile.

"Are you excited", Clarke broke the awkward silence that had fallen over them. "About coming back to school I mean", she clarified when Raven shot her a questioning look, mixed with somewhat annoyance.

"Would you be if you were in my shoes?!" she asked back, sounding harsher than she had anticipated to. Clarke clearly got the hint and kept quiet during the rest of the ride.

Clarke had known Raven since middle school. At first, they hadn't liked each other, but a cheating boyfriend and the mutual understanding of heartbreak brought them closer than anyone would've expected. Clarke was aware of Raven's hard time of letting people in and of the walls she had build, so she supposed the amnesia hadn't changed that about her.

"She's the same person, honey" her mother Abby, a brilliant doctor, had told her, trying to reassure her daughter after seeing the vacant stare on Raven's face when she had visited her for the first time. "She's still your friend, you just have to help her remember it."

Amnesia didn't always work like that though. It was one of the most complex brain conditions and one that medicine still didn't have a straight answer for. Sometimes people remembered, and sometimes they simply didn't. It was only natural that Abby knew that, but what was she supposed to say to her daughter, when she had cried her eyes out because her own best friend had yelled at her when she had tried to hug her? And so, Abby decided to keep quiet and hope for the best.

"We'll have to share a room," the young Griffin said once they stepped in inside her childhood home. She led the brunette up the stairs showing her to a messy room with art supplies all over the place. "There isn't that much space, but you can take Octavia's bed, so at least we won't have to worry about that" the blonde let out an awkward chuckle, but Raven just raised a curious brow in response. "Shit. Uh, you don't know who Octavia is. Right. Well, she lives right next door and we used to have sleepovers all the time. Uh, she is our best friend. Was our best friend? Is it weird when I speak in present tense, cause I know-"

"Chill", Raven cut her off. "It doesn't matter to me, It doesn't change the fact that I have no idea who are you talking about and I'm not sure I want to."

Her sharp tone had visibly shocked the other girl. Tears started to pool in her eyes, but she was quick to turn around and wipe them off, quickly muttering some bullshit about having allergies and it had immediately made Raven feel like a huge jerk.

"Look, I'm sorry", she spoke softly, looking up to face the blonde. "I didn't mean to snap, you've been nothing but kind to me. It's just too much right now and I feel so lost and completely alone." she sat on the bed, sounding defeated.

"I can't imagine what you're feeling and I probably never will, but you're not alone and whenever you need to talk to someone I will be ready to listen" Clarke reached for Raven's hand and to her surprise she took it. She gave it a small, reassuring squeeze.

"Your mom, uh Abby, she's a doctor right?" Clarke nodded. "Does she think that I will- I mean is it possible-", the older girl left a frustrated sigh, "Is this gonna be forever?"

The question clearly got Clarke off guard. Raven didn't have to say it out loud, they both knew what she meant. She didn't answer right away.

"I don't think she knows, Rae," Clarke said after a moment of silence, the nickname slipping before she could stop herself. "Raven. Sorry." She didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, but Raven's just looked at her, a small smile on her lips.

"I kind of like it...Not very original, though", she added teasingly, feeling a little bit more at ease in the blonde's company.

"Hey!", Clarke exclaimed and threw her a pillow at the other girl. "Now you think like that, but I don't remember you saying shit when Octavia came up with it" she spoke again, without thinking. Once she realized what she'd said, she wanted to slap herself. "Sorry, I-"

"Apologize again and I will smack you!" Raven warned with a pretend threatening voice, but also low-key meaning it, seeming unfazed by the mention of the so-called Octavia.

A dopey grin broke upon Clarke's face. Their playful banter felt so natural and for the first time since the accident things felt normal. When she looked at Raven's wide brown eyes, she could've sworn she saw the old Raven sitting on the opposite bed, smiling back at her. She allowed herself to believe that a small part of her best friend still remembered her, she just had to get to her. She was hopeful.

***

It had been a long day, so Clarke fell asleep the minute she laid in her bed. Raven didn't have the same luck though. Erratic thoughts and flashes were keeping her wide awake. Images of dark blue-ish eyes kept flashing through her mind. They weren't Clarke's she could tell, but she couldn't remember who this person was and it was driving her insane. She had so many questions. The most important one still left unanswered - How did she end up like this? Are her parents dead?

Her brain felt like it was about to explode. She found herself remembering all kinds of weird and complicated physics equations and mechanical stuff. What the hell was that about?! She couldn't remember her own mother's name, but she knew all this useless shit. Life liked fucking with her, that much she had figured out.

"Clarke" she whispered after completely giving up on the idea of sleeping, "You awake?"

"Huh?" she had definitely been sleeping, her voice hoarse, "Yeah, what's up?"

"You're a terrible liar. I'll keep that in mind" she said thoughtfully, her eyes lazily scanning the dark room, falling on the blonde's silhouette laying on the other bed.

"Smartass. What's keeping you awake, other than the obvious?" Clarke murmured, sounding half asleep.

"Who is Octavia?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also English isn't my first language so I'd appreciate it if you correct me when needed or have any suggestions on how to improve my wording :)


	2. Chapter 2

"Who is Octavia?" Raven asked as she sat up on her bed, her attention shifting onto Clarke.  
The blonde glanced over to her alarm clock and gave a silent groan, as she saw it was almost four in the morning. She then rubbed her eyes in a weak effort to wake herself up. When she had told Raven she'll always be willing to listen, that wasn't exactly what she'd meant.

"I thought you didn't want to know," she said with a skeptical note in her voice.

"Well, you mentioned her name a few times and that chick used to sleep in this bed, so yeah blame me for being a little curious." Raven reasoned, narrowing her eyes slightly.

''She's a friend." she began, sounding unsure.

"That day in the hospital, when you and a bunch of people visited me...She wasn't there, was she ?" Raven questioned, but Clarke remained silent. "Didn't think so. Why wasn't she, if we're such "good friends"?" the last words leaving a feeling of distaste in her mouth. 

Clarke swallowed thickly while she avoided the older girl's gaze, trying to come up with an adequate answer. Truth was, she didn't even know what had gone wrong between her two best friends. In reality, Octavia had visited Raven at the hospital. She was the one who brought in her unconscious body, saying that she had found her this way. She even spent the entire night alone in the uncomfortable chairs at the ER, her eyes red and swollen from crying, waiting for the Latina to wake up. When she eventually did though, not knowing her own name, Octavia had immediately left without saying a word, her face unreadable. "She's probably in denial" Clarke had thought. But when it lasted for more than a week, and when Abby finally let her daughter and her friends visit Raven and Octavia had refused to come, Clarke knew something must've happened. She signed and shifted her weight, so she faced the other girl straight on.

"I don't know" Clarke answered truthfully, which earned her a scoff from the other girl. "It's the truth!" she defended. "Look, One thing that the both of you have in common is having a hard time letting people in because you're afraid of getting hurt, so almost losing you must've terrified her. It scared all of us. You were basically her family and I don't think she knows how to act around you now. I'm not sure I do either." the last part came out almost like a whisper.

"I get that, I don't know how to act either. It's weird that someone else has to tell what I'm I like, you know?" Clarke gave her a knowing look. 

And then it was once again quiet. In a soothing affair, Raven ran her hands through her long tangled hair. She felt restless and she knew she won't be able to fall asleep anytime soon, so she decided to just let it out at once since Clarke was also already wide awake.

"Does everyone in school know? About me losing my mind, I mean" Raven wondered, her tone light. 

Clarke rolled her eyes, smirking slightly, "You haven't lost your mind, smartass, and I can swear on my life I heard you mumbling the laws of quantum mechanics earlier, so if you haven't figured by now - you're like crazy smart." Raven snickered and prompted the blonde to continue. "But yeah, most people know, including your teachers. But don't worry, nobody's going to come up to talk to you about it, they don't have the balls. You're kind of intimidating."

"So you're saying I'm scary? Dope. In that case, tomorrow should be fun" Raven quipped sarcastically.

"Today, you mean. It's almost five am. for fuck's sake. We should be up in two hours" Clarke groaned, dropping her head on her pillow.

"Ugh, you're right. Good night, princess." Raven said, not noticing the nickname that had slipped. Suddenly she felt exhausted and she let her eyelids slam shut, without waiting for the other girl to respond.

Clarke's heart leaped in her chest. The nickname felt only too familiar. It couldn't be a coincidence. The pieces were there, Raven just had to put them together, she thought. Slowly, she drifted to sleep and dreamed of a world, where her best friend hadn't forgotten her.

  
Raven glared at her class schedule, getting more frustrated by the minute. Clarke had abandoned her as soon as they entered the school building, explaining something about having to get in English class earlier, so now Raven stood alone in the middle of the school hallway, feeling mad at herself for not being able to figure out where was the chemistry lab was. The blonde had told her to look out for John Murphy, one of the guys that had visited her in the hospital, because apparently, they shared this class. 

After wandering around for a while like a lost first grader, she finally found her locker. But when she approached it, she felt hesitant, because she recognized one of the girls from the hospital standing near it, chatting with a tanned guy, with a charming grin. She squinted her eyes, trying to recall whether he had been at the hospital, but she had to stop when they noticed her. The girl smiled widely at her and waved her over. Raven had no choice, but to join them.

"Hey!" she greeted lamely, hating how awkward she felt.

"Reyes" the guy nodded, as he winked at her. "It's been a boring few weeks without ya." she just stared at him with a straight face, so he decided to drop the banter. "Look, I know you don't exactly remember me, but I missed you and I feel like that's my only opportunity to tell you, without you teasing me about it. I'm Bellamy." 

He held out his hand and Raven shook it gently, not wanting to appear unpolite, even though something was telling her she wasn't known to be exactly "polite" before the incident.

"I'm Harper" the girl chipped in, putting a hand on Raven's forearm, giving it a squeeze. "I'm glad to have you back" she beamed, her voice sounding sincere and Raven couldn't help, but smile softly. 

"I won't introduce myself, because that'd be weird," Bellamy rolled his eyes playfully at her and she eased up a bit, "but I hope I meet your expectations? I don't know, it looks like Raven Reyes was a real cool chick" the Latina joked and Harper bumped her shoulder slightly, she was a touchy person, Raven noted. 

"You're still a narcissist, that much hasn't changed." Bellamy teased and Raven raised a challenging brow, while Harper just chuckled, bemused by their banter.

"Something tells me you like that about me." Raven bragged, feeling smug. 

Bellamy didn't seem impressed, however. He shared a look with Harper, who looked like she was about to burst out laughing. "Woah, you've got the wrong Blake, little bird. Save the flirting for O, I think you two share chemistry and classes start in 5 minutes, so you'll see her soon enough."

"I wasn't flirting!" Raven exclaimed and Bellamy murmured a "yeah sure", which earned him a smack on the shoulder. "O?" then she questioned.

"Octavia Blake. Bellamy's sister." Harper explained. There it was, that name again. "She's one of the most kindhearted people I know, unlike her brother," Bellamy scoffed at her, "But make no mistake, fuck with her and it'll surprise you how strong a 4 feet tall person can actually be. She used to kick Bellamy's ass all the time when they were little-"

"Harper!" the boy whined,red blush covering his tanned chicks. "How come Clarke hadn't mentioned her to you?" he asked, after recovering from the embarrassment.

"Oh, she did," Raven blurted out, way too quickly, "There are just way too many names to remember I guess." She admitted sheepishly. " Speaking about names, do you know John Murphy? Clarke told me I share chemistry with him too." Bellamy's eyes narrowed and Harper dropped her smile. "What is it?"

"No, nothing, it's just that," Harper began, trying to find the right words to describe Murphy, "We know him. He's more your friend, that he is ours actually. He's kind of a jackass, but he's had a soft spot for you ever since you beat him up that one time in middle school." 

Raven nodded slowly, processing the given information. The more she thought about it, the more hilarious it sounded, but she decided to keep that to herself. Was that what Clarke had meant when she had called her intimidating? Her questioned was left unanswered, as the bell rung prompting them to go to their respective classes.

"That's our cue. The chemistry lab is on the ground floor, right across from the library. I wish we could show you there, but we have History with Pike and you don't want to be late for his class." Bellamy explained apologetically. "See you later, Rae."

"Good luck, girl!" Harper offered and pulled her into a one-armed hug.

Raven smiled at them and waved them goodbye. She looked at her phone screen, only to find out she had 2 minutes left to get to class. The way to the lab gave her plenty of time to get lost in her head once again. That wasn't how she had pictured her first interaction with her alter ego's friends. She expected it to be awkward and uncomfortable, making her feel irritated or even sad, but it was nothing like that. Talking to Bellamy and Harper was the second time in the past few weeks she didn't feel like a total freak (the first time being just last night when she had spoken to Clarke). But at the same time, she felt a feeling of sadness taking over her. She had hoped that speaking to them would help her remember something, no matter what it was, but nothing like that happened. She was still pretty much in the dark. The last warning bell rang and pulled her out of her thoughts. 

"Son of a bitch", she murmured, knowing she'd be late and everyone was probably going to stare at her.

Raven felt nauseous when she eventually found the chemistry lab. She walked in, taking a deep breath in, in a weak attempt to suppress her anxiety. The teacher, a really intimidating woman with high cheekbones and dirty-blonde hair, raised an unimpressed brow at her. She looked like she was about to scold her, but then she simply prompted her to take a seat.

Raven looked across the room. A guy sitting in the first row gave her a tight-lipped smile and a nod. John Murphy, she thought. The girl seated next to him waved at her sheepishly, smiling somewhat reassuringly at her. Was that Octavia? She'd have to wait until the end of the period to find out, since the only free seat was in the back of the room, next to a dark-haired girl with pale skin and huge eye bags under her swollen eyes. Raven was taken back by how gorgeous the girl was, even while looking like she hadn't slept in weeks.

Raven made her way to her, cringing slightly when the girl didn't acknowledge her in any way.

"Seat's taken," the girl said coolly, still not looking up to meet Raven's curious gaze.

She caught Raven off guard, but she recovered quickly. "No, it's not. The fuck is your problem-"

"You are". The girl murmured but didn't protest any further.

Raven scoffed. Usually, she wouldn't care what some angsty girl with a shitty sleeping schedule thought about her, but then she noticed the name scribbled on the her notebook. 

_Octavia Blake._


	3. Chapter 3

"She's such a bitch!" Raven growled, slamming her food tray on the table, as she sat across from Clark and Harper. The blonde stared dumbly at her.

"Who is?" Harper asked calmly while chewing her lunch, earning herself a disapproving look from Clarke

"Octavia!" the Latina barked as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Homegirl literally snapped at me for no reason. Didn't you two say that she was my friend?" she demanded because the girl had been anything, but friendly with her. In fact, she had spent her entire chemistry lesson glaring at Raven, who wasn't shy about returning her glares. They didn't share any other classes, so at least she didn't have to pretend not to be affected by her supposed best friend's coldness. She told herself she didn't really care, but a part of her knew she was lying.

Her answer however only confused Clarke more. "She is your friend," she insisted, "she just needs a little time and space. She doesn't know how to deal with this...situation," she explained softly.

"And how is that my fault?!" Raven shot back, crossing her arms. It was bullshit. If anyone needed time and space it was her.

"We're not saying it is, what Clarke meant is that Octavia has been acting different ever since you woke up. She's been snapping at everyone, she doesn't eat much and Bellamy says she's been having nightmares." Harper said the last part hesitantly, unsure if that information was too private to share with the other girl.

The nightmares would explain her tired looks, Raven thought. And still, it didn't add up, why the girl had acted like she wanted to have nothing to do with her. She didn't have time to reflect too much on it, because someone took the empty seat next to her. It was the girl that had waved at her in chemistry class. 

"Hey, guys" she beamed as she put her tray next to Raven's. 

"Someone's looking particularly happy today" Clarke teased and the girl chuckled. 

"What can I say, I'm glad to have my partner in crime back" she grinned at Raven, who looked confused, but smiled back nevertheless. "The name's Emori." she introduced herself and extended her hand, which the brunette eagerly shook.

"Or as we call her, Murphy's better half" joked Harper. Clarke laughed and Emori rolled her eyes and focused her attention on Raven. 

"Don't listen to them, John isn't that bad, especially when you're around. I think you'll like him" Emori said with confidence in her voice. 

"I'm not so sure about that, Harper said I've beaten him up" Emori shot the girl in question a glare, but the other Harper ignored her. "Are you guys dating? You need to feel me in on the relationships going on." Raven asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Yeah, we've been together for 2 years now," Emori said, a light blush creeping on her cheeks. "Everyone in our friend group is dating someone actually, you and Octavia are the only single ladies." 

Raven's mood darkened a bit after the mention of Octavia, but she tried her best to hide it, putting a fake smile on."Oh, does that mean Bellamy's taken? Too bad, he's kinda cute." she pouted. 

Her confession caused the other three girls to burst out laughing. Clarke was wheezing so hard, that she couldn't breathe properly, her face turning blue. Harper on the other side was wiping tears from her eyes, still not able to compose herself. Raven knitted her brows together in confusion. She was joking of course, but the guy was actually good looking, so she didn't understand what was so funny about it.

The girls still hadn't calmed down, when a beautiful brunette with soft curls and mesmerizing green eyes approached their table from behind Clarke and hugged her from the back. This startled the blonde, but when seeing who it was, she returned the embrace. When the gorgeous girl noticed Raven from across the table her eyes widened slightly and she was quick to look away.

She took the seat on Clarke's left, kissing her cheek, which earned her a funny look from the latina. "Hey ladies, what are we laughing about?"

"Rae just called Bellamy cute" Emori snickered. 

The newly seated girl raised a perfectly sculptured brow and turned to face Raven, amusement written all over her beautiful features. "You know, once you said you'd rather go down on Anya than kiss Bellamy's cheek." and with that, the girls at the table lost it once again, Emori had even started slamming her palm on the table. Had someone heard the noises they made, without actually being able to see the teenagers, they probably would've thought wild animals were the ones making them.

Raven however still didn't seem to understand what the girls were practically roaring about and that just caused her slight frown t to deepen.

"Raven, this is my girlfriend Lexa" Clarke struggled to say through her laughter. "And-, and A-anya, her cousin, is your chemistry teacher". Now the dark-haired girl couldn't help it, but start cackling as well. Raven had to admit it was ridiculous and yet not too hard to believe she had said it, considering she did find this Anya hot...in a scary way.

Their hysterics didn't last for too long. Lexa and Clarke were the first ones to compose themselves, their faces becoming uncharacteristically serious in a matter of seconds. A figure shadowed their table from behind Raven and Emori. Upon noticing the change in the other girl's demeanor, Raven turned around, only to be faced with the person she wanted to see the least right now.

Octavia spoke coldly, narrowing her eyes at Harper, "You promised you were going to eat lunch with me today." Her voice lacked any emotion, her face, however, was telling a different story. Her jaw was clenched and a tumbling flame seemed about to rush out of her eyes.

"And I am" Harper squeaked, her voice an octave too high. Clarke nervously bit her lower lip, while Emori cautiously eyed the standing girl. Raven could sense something was off, and it made her feel incredibly uncomfortable. "Why don't you sit with us, O? "

Blue-green eyes like mountain lakes met polished amber ones for a brief second and Raven could swear all the memories of the girl in front of her flashed before her at once, but before she could grasp one of them, it was all gone as suddenly as it has appeared. It made her head throb. She tore her eyes away, frustrated for not being able to remember because if she could've done that things would've been all right. 

No one was really surprised when Octavia declined. "Some other time." she huffed, trying to hide her irritation as she spun around, without saying anything else. She headed to the other side of the school cafeteria, where her brother and his girlfriend Echo were seated.

The tension left in the air after Octavia took off could be cut with a knife. Lexa, who didn't hang out with her girlfriend's friend group as much and therefore wasn't really close with either Raven or Octavia, was at a loss. "What was that about? I've never seen her without her cocky smirk."

"I'll explain later, babe," Clarke deflected, not wanting to make things tenser and with that, the girls returned to eating their lunch in silence.

"So," Raven mussed in a desperate attempt to get rid of the awkwardness, "y'all like girls?" she asked dumbly, eying Clarke and Lexa.

Emori suppressed a snort. "No, actually we absolutely hate them." Lexa quipped back sarcastically and then pecked Clarke's lips. "Yup, disgusting," she concluded and leaned to kiss the blonde once again.

"Fine, fine Jesus, keep it PG, will ya?"Raven said, rolling her eyes half-heartedly. "Am I into girls?" 

As if to check if she was serious, Emori looked up from her food to face her. "You've never mentioned it," she shrugged then. Not much of a satisfactory answer, Raven thought.

The rest of her friends, however, looked like they were not telling her something. They were awkwardly avoiding her gaze and it didn't stay unnoticed by Raven. "If you have something to say just do it, for god's sake" she insisted.

Clarke clasped her hands together and looked around the table nervously as if waiting to see if anyone else would explain, so she doesn't have to. When no one did, she turned to Raven. "It's just something we all picked on a while ago and everyone knows but we have this weird unspoken rule that we don't talk about it-" 

"Out with it, Clarke" Raven barked.

"Right, so Octavia has been into you since like middle school. Technically she's never straight up admitted it, but she doesn't exactly deny it either. She wasn't that subtle about it, honestly. I don't think she knows that we're all aware of it, including you but. You just always pretended you weren't." the blonde said in one breath.

Raven didn't say anything, just dropped her head on the stinky cafeteria table, grunting softly. This day was longer than she had anticipated it to be.


End file.
